A condolence candle: lighting one at home in remembrance, and when to send one to a grieving familyA condolence candle: lighting one at home in remembrance, and when to send one to a grieving family

Lighting a candle for someone who has gone

When someone dies, many of us want to do something, and there is very little to do. Lighting a candle or a diya at home, in their memory, is one of the oldest ways people across faiths have found. It asks nothing of the family. It is for you: a few quiet minutes with a photograph, a prayer, or just their name.

This page is short on purpose. If you are here because you have lost someone, we are sorry.

What is enough

Nothing elaborate is needed. A single plain candle is right:

• Spiral Pillar Candles, single ivory, Rs 179. Ivory and white are the colours of mourning in many Indian families. It stands on its own and does not look like a gift.
• Diya Candles, Rs 449 for six. For families who light a diya for the departed, in the shape they already know, with no oil to prepare at a difficult time.

Raajkosh is a small maker in Jalandhar, and we hand-pour these in soy wax. We will not suggest anything bigger.

Sending a candle to a grieving family

Be careful here. In many Indian families, gifts are not given during the mourning period, and what helps most in those days is a visit, food sent to the house, help with the arrangements, or a phone call. A parcel arriving at the door can feel wrong.

If you want to send a condolence candle:

• Wait until after the mourning days, or the prayer meeting, the uthala, the chautha or the tehrvi, whichever the family keeps.
• Send it with words, not as a present. "Lighting one for Uncle tonight. Thinking of you all." Use the gift note; choose plain packaging.
• Ask someone close to the family first if you are unsure. Customs differ by community and by family.
• For a friend who lives alone and has lost a parent, a single candle and a message that says you will call is often more welcome than flowers.

For the anniversary of a death

The first barsi, a death anniversary, or a festival like Diwali without them can be harder than the funeral. A candle lit on that day, at home, is a gentle way to remember. If you want to send one to a friend for that day, it is usually more welcome then than in the first week.

Practical things, briefly

We deliver across India, dispatching in 24 to 48 hours and delivering 2 to 7 days after dispatch. We cannot deliver on the same day, so for the prayer meeting itself, a local shop is the right place. Payment is prepaid (UPI, card, net banking or wallet); there is no cash on delivery, so the family is never asked to pay anything at the door. Shop orders can be returned on a request within 24 hours of delivery.

Keeping the flame safe

A remembrance candle is often lit beside a photograph, a garland and incense. Keep it on a stable, heat-proof plate, away from the garland and any cloth, never unattended, and keep each burn to 3 to 4 hours. If an elderly parent is the one lighting it every evening, someone should check on it.

If you would rather do something else

A donation in their name to a cause they cared about, a framed photograph for the family, a meal cooked and carried to the house, or a handwritten letter about what the person meant to you: any of these may matter more than a candle. Do what feels right for the family you are grieving with.